A Tough Week.

I want to talk about depression (again) because I read something today that really struck me as I am struggling with my own battle.

Over the years, I think people are becoming very slightly more aware of it, but I also have found it’s been glamorised into something it isn’t.

Depression has been depicted has something we cry about alone and only ever play sad songs to and hide under a duvet curled up in a ball and wallow in our own self misery.

SOMETIMES that is correct, but this isn’t always the case… well, not for me.

I have a little spot, on my boat, a place right in front of the fire, leaning my back to the oven and I sit there most nights and I watch the fire go wild. It’s like a form of peace. It’s my safe place, it’s my sad place, it’s my happy place and it can be my angry place. It’s my place where I wait for someone to come and pick me up, it’s my place where I wait for someone to come and sit down with me and it’s my place that I sit at alone.

FIRE BOAT 3

Sometimes I cry, but most of the time I don’t, I just sit there. Thinking about everything.

I tried really hard to promise myself that I would never make my dream home a place that I associate with depression, but that is just silly. I carry it with me everywhere I go and the more I fight to not accept it and not accept it at home the worse I make myself. So now I just accept it at home, get that fire on and pop my bottom down in that spot and think.

This week has been by far the most difficult week I’ve dealt with. I haven’t wanted to eat because I have been unwell. Headachy and feeling just generally poorly. Which in turn means I feel weaker and lower and noticing that black cloud has been getting bigger and bigger. But the more it gets like this the more I want to hide away and not see anyone, not talk to people.

FIRE boat2

It’s the most frustrating thing knowing what I need to do to pull myself out of this ‘funk’ but not having an ounce of energy to drag myself up and do it.

I haven’t spoken to anyone in a while because I hate the thought of anyone looking at me as broken or a burden. Silly, right?! But that’s how I feel. Everyone in life struggles and I often feel like I never want to offload my shit to people when in a world where Donald Trump is president and people are blowing themselves up every single day… why the fuck would I want to bring more worry to someone I love and care about.

BUT I know that isn’t the answer. I know I need to talk. But like I said in a previous post. Sometimes you just can’t talk. But if you can do something that gets that feeling out of your body then do it.

For me, it’s writing. I write and I write and I write, I have so many draft emails and notes saved in my iPhone of times when I can’t talk but I so desperately want to get this feeling out of my body.

FIRE boat

My writing isn’t profound, I am rubbish with grammar and half the stuff that comes out of my head doesn’t even make sense. But its writing non-the less.

For me depression isn’t black and white, it’s not something out of a movie that has been romanticised if you will. It’s not romantic and sometimes it’s unexplainable, sometimes it’s so clear what the cause is. But the one thing it’s not is beautiful or a quote from a Pinterest page with fluffy clouds in the background. Sometimes it’s dark, like upside down, Stranger Things dark.

I can’t leave you with any inspirational words, I don’t really have any. I think I just wanted to show whoever is reading this that this is my way of thinking about things and dealing with myself each day. I guess I’m getting all this blurb out of my head because at the end of the day I just want to feel normal.

By Lucy May

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Never. Give. Up.

As its World Mental Health Day I find it fitting that I am sitting here writing this out.

Today hasn’t been a good day. Yesterday wasn’t a good day.

Last night I felt a pain I haven’t felt before, a low feeling that took me by an almighty surprise and I wanted it to stop but I couldn’t.

I panicked. I hated it. I wanted it to go away. But it didn’t and today I woke up feeling worse. Low. Depressed. Unhappy and with the thought that I wish I hadn’t of woken up. I can’t tell you why I am feeling like this but I hate it. I hate that it makes me feel like a burden to life, to my friends and family. I hate that the only way I think it can go away is if I don’t wake up. I hate that for a few moments that felt like the answer.

But I do know this, it’s been brewing, like a storm for months. This feeling I have been putting off, pushing back inside that black cloud that sits on my chest and trying to ignore it and be positive.

For the whole part it worked, last week I was on fire. Sassy, positive and just believing in self-love and pushing people to see their amazing potential no matter what shape or size they were.

But on my chest sat that feeling, tapping away at me, waiting for me to open the window and let it out. Well, it would seem I let it out last night. But the one thing I have done differently this time around….

I told Maddie. I picked up the phone this morning and I told her. I knew she wouldn’t judge me, I knew she would listen, and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that she would help. And she has. In more ways than she will ever know.

Sitting at my desk this afternoon was a small package, with a book and a note. A very important note (see picture) that we need to all remember in our time of need:

Never

Give

Up

GIRL UP

Mental Health IS real and it IS serious. It affects 1 in 4 people in the UK alone!

It’s not something I ever want to stand behind and feel ashamed to talk about. If you feel it, talk about it, write it down, throw it away if you don’t want to keep it. Burn the mutha fucker! But get it out there, don’t let it brew. Get it out of your system by whatever means. Dance it out. Cry it out. Shout it out. Write it out. Text it out. Paint it out. Just get it out.

Someone out there understands how you are feeling, you are not alone. I mean it feels like it but you’re not. No one is.

So once again please Never. Give. Up.

P.s Maddie says every girl, boy, woman and man should read a copy of Laura Bates’ Girl Up if you can.

By Lucy Green.WMHD-logo-e1476717677647

Feels.

I’ve spent (and still spend) a fair amount of my life looking through Pinterest for inspirational quotes to help me remember that having a mental health issue is OK, that I am OK and that being curvy is not only more than OK but BEAUTIFUL.

We all go through difficult periods in our life where we feel overwhelmed and unable to cope at times. For me personally, these instances can occur once, twice, even three times a week. It could be work that is piling up, money woes, relationship issues… anything at all!

Whatever the cause, I have noticed myself having these moments more and more in the last few years and especially so in the last few months. I decided I wasn’t having any of that so I packed a bag and joined my parents at their house in Spain for a bit of RnR.

WATER

One afternoon whilst floating in the pool and looking up at the clouds, I got a sense of calm, safe and happy. I realised I had never really stopped to appreciate that before. We live in a world that is so focused on bringing us down, demanding us to look and feel a certain way and making us believe that money is what makes us happy. We are surrounded by this so much so that we forget all the FREE stuff around us that can bring happiness too.

ORANGE

I discovered happiness can be hidden in a colour, a shape and or a texture. I started to spot this in most things, like the cut of an orange, the green in succulents or simply the soft trickle of water. I just found everything to be so relaxing and it allowed my mind to stop thinking for a moment and take in what was in front of me. I guess you could call it my form of meditation (of which I have never been very good at, believe me, I have tried many a time!!)

WhatsApp Image 2017-07-22 at 09.09.26

Pool paint

Art work

I would be interested to know if there is anyone else out there that feels this way too?

Maddie and are are going to create some art that gives us the ‘Feels’ for our DIY part of OBOB. Watch this space.

By Lucy May

Road Tripping with Ralph.

The problem: Stressed out by work and all the other crap that goes with life.

The solution: A road trip to the woods with a Rottweiler. Hurray!

We decided to go on a little camping road trip the other day to seek out that ‘calm-of-the-countryside’. We wanted to take Ralph with us so we started to look into dog-friendly accommodation and came across a great website called Pitchup.com They basically have everything you need to know about campsites around the UK. We found a great little place in Newbury called Hollington Park Glamping… ok, so we didn’t camp we glamped and why the heck not, ey?!

Ralph loving lunch

In terms of location the place was really easy to find, and the owner Claire was such a lovely host. Ralph had to be kept on a lead as the land had chickens and a pheasant roaming about it freely, but this didn’t bother him in the slightest – he was just excited for all the new smells and trees to cock his leg upon!

Our little home-stay for the weekend was a wonderful little camping pod surrounded by beautiful tall trees, with a little outdoor loo and shower, and even a fire pit (the outdoorsy, content feeling of being around a fire in the evening is hard to beat!). As soon as we’d basked in the sights and put our stuff in the pod, we set off on our adventure…

Glamping Pod

Our little Pod

The walk was gorgeous! We trailed through woodland, passing a little stream, plenty of cows and some lovely wildlife.  We’d pit stop at the supermarket beforehand so we were prepared with picnic goodies (including Prosecco obviously!) so, after our long walk with the pooch we settled down in the sunshine to enjoy them 🙂

Mohawk Cow!

It just goes to show you don’t need to spend hundreds of pounds on extravagant holidays abroad in order to have ‘a holiday’. Our trip was so easy to plan and we did everything on a budget; no fancy hotel, no fancy restaurants just a car, a bit of nature and some wonderful company.

There is something about being out in the countryside that helps clear the mind. It can be minimal but yet it can be everything, and that’s the beauty of it. We highly recommend it, as does Ralph!

Picnicing in Newbury

Corn FieldRalph loving life munching on grass

 

Mindful Lady Garden.

Like with all our lives things get in the way, work takes over, boats leak and almost sink (yes that happened to Lucy and Bunbury!) or you just generally run out of time and before you know it it’s the summer and you’ve done sod-all in the way of being creative or doing things for yourself. But that’s ok, you can let life get in the way just make sure you don’t get bogged down in it so much so you struggle to get out.

One of my favourite ways to clear my head is to potter around the garden. Our Nan has always been a keen gardener, I remember eating mint for the first time from one of her many plant pots and that was the first time I realised you could grow your own tastes and smells.

 

This year I’ve been growing a lot of my own fruit, veg and herbs; tomatoes, potatoes, basil, mint, berries, spinach and cucumber to name a few – some in simple grow bags, some in pots and some in the ground. The things that grow up and out like tomatoes or potatoes I put into a large cosy pot so they had support to grow up up up! All my herbs are in a pot of their own as I’ve realised they grow better in their own space… maybe that’s just me treating them like humans but there is definitely something in that, right?

I was kindly given some rhubarb, which has flourished in the ground. At first, she seemed like she hated me and life itself but after lots of daily watering, she found her feet and now there is no stopping her. I think the key to gardening is you must be a little patient with it and don’t give up on the plants, most of them are strong and sturdy they just take a while or weathering gets in the way or we neglect them!

 

We can’t always be there 24/7 tending to our plants every need but think of your time in the garden or kitchen or where ever your plants may be, as ‘down time’ to help clear your head, helping yourself as well as your plants.

 

And of course, if you grow your own you get to reap the benefits! Feel the fruits of your home grown loins! There is nothing quite like the taste of home grown, organic goods – trust me.

 

By Maddie Moo