As its World Mental Health Day I find it fitting that I am sitting here writing this out.
Today hasn’t been a good day. Yesterday wasn’t a good day.
Last night I felt a pain I haven’t felt before, a low feeling that took me by an almighty surprise and I wanted it to stop but I couldn’t.
I panicked. I hated it. I wanted it to go away. But it didn’t and today I woke up feeling worse. Low. Depressed. Unhappy and with the thought that I wish I hadn’t of woken up. I can’t tell you why I am feeling like this but I hate it. I hate that it makes me feel like a burden to life, to my friends and family. I hate that the only way I think it can go away is if I don’t wake up. I hate that for a few moments that felt like the answer.
But I do know this, it’s been brewing, like a storm for months. This feeling I have been putting off, pushing back inside that black cloud that sits on my chest and trying to ignore it and be positive.
For the whole part it worked, last week I was on fire. Sassy, positive and just believing in self-love and pushing people to see their amazing potential no matter what shape or size they were.
But on my chest sat that feeling, tapping away at me, waiting for me to open the window and let it out. Well, it would seem I let it out last night. But the one thing I have done differently this time around….
I told Maddie. I picked up the phone this morning and I told her. I knew she wouldn’t judge me, I knew she would listen, and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that she would help. And she has. In more ways than she will ever know.
Sitting at my desk this afternoon was a small package, with a book and a note. A very important note (see picture) that we need to all remember in our time of need:
Mental Health IS real and it IS serious. It affects 1 in 4 people in the UK alone!
It’s not something I ever want to stand behind and feel ashamed to talk about. If you feel it, talk about it, write it down, throw it away if you don’t want to keep it. Burn the mutha fucker! But get it out there, don’t let it brew. Get it out of your system by whatever means. Dance it out. Cry it out. Shout it out. Write it out. Text it out. Paint it out. Just get it out.
Someone out there understands how you are feeling, you are not alone. I mean it feels like it but you’re not. No one is.
So once again please Never. Give. Up.
P.s Maddie says every girl, boy, woman and man should read a copy of Laura Bates’ Girl Up if you can.
By Lucy Green.